Top 100 Things Every Boarder Should Do Before They Die

Top 100 Things Every Boarder Should Do Before They Die

  1. Call in sick on a powder day. 

Extra credit for using one of these excuses: 
“I fell asleep in the tanning booth and was seriously burned over 96% of my body. It’s imperative that I remain naked” (This explains your tan) 

“Okay, since you asked: It really hurts when I pee…” 

“I don’t know what it is. The doctors are saying it might be an airborne Ebola variant… Yes, I’m sneezing. Should I come in anyway?’ 

“The plate in my dog’s head froze last night. Right now I’m holding him upside-down in lukewarm water with bendy straws in his nose so he can breathe” 

“My great aunt from Vermont just had a nervous breakdown and is picking off squirrels with a .357 Magnum. I’ve got to get up there; I’m the only one who can talk her down. 

  1. Ski these classic runs: 

Corbet’s Couloir, Jackson, WY
High Rustler, Alta, UT
Couloir Extreme, Blackcomb B.C. 
KT-22, Squaw Valley, CA 
Goat, Stowe, VT 
Kant-Mak-M, Telluride, CO
Peak to Creek, Whistler BC

  1. Ski runs just as good, but less well known: 

Steep’n’Deep, Monashees, B.C.
Pas de Chevre, Chamonix, France 
Big Couloir, Big Sky, MT
Cambodia, Red Mountain, B.C.
Red Square, Vail, CO
Skydive, Fernie, B.C.

  1. Rent ski flicks in July 
  2. Do a heli
  3. Rack up 10,000 verts at a ski area with less than 500 vertical
  4. Be the first one into an untracked bowl as patrol drops the rope
  5. Give first tracks to someone else
  6. Put your boots on in August and walk around the yard
  7. Get countless faceshots
  8. Tune your mom’s skis
  9. Ride a T-bar on a snowboard to reaffirm you love of skiing
  10. Take a nonskiing friend skiing
  11. Ski naked
  12. Drive through a raging snowstorm on a lonely road at night not go skiing
  13. Know how to make a hot toddy
  14. Flirt with a lifty
  15. Hike for your turns
    And here’s why:
  16. You didn’t buy a lift ticket with a fine print warning about the skiing at your own risk. 
  17. Nobody is cell phoning his broker in the lift line. 
  18. Everybody you ski with has nice big thighs. 
  19. You can eat brie and burgundy al fresco for the price of a greasy burger in a crowded cafeteria. 
  20. Parts of your lungs get air for the first time in years. 
  21. It isn’t nearly as disfiguring when you run into a tree going uphill
  22. If you take a big spill, nobody yells insults from the chair above. 
  23. Fun tickets in your wallet don’t keep changing into lift tickets on your jacket. 
  24. After a while you learn to really love the pain.
  25. You get to ski flawless, untracked powder in solitude, at your own pace, without the rabid feeding frenzy of inbounds.
  26. Go to France and ride two trams to the Aigulle du Midi, a huge rocky pinnacle at 12,604 feet on the legendary Mont Blanc. Then spend the day skiing the crevasse-strewn Vallee Balance back down into Chamonix. Eat a jambon sandwich along the way. 
  27. Paint your face red white and blue and go to a World Cup Downhill and scream your bloody head off 
  28. Own a chainsaw, cut your own line through the woods. Name it. Ski it.
  29. Ski under a full moon
  30. Ski at Aspen wearing camouflage pants, a fluorescent orange knit hat, and a hockey jersey
  31. Ski at Pine Knob, Michigan, wearing real fur
  32. Dance in your ski boots
  33. Lose both skis, gloves, goggles, and all your spare change in a spectacular yard sale under the chairlift
  34. Take a huge biffer on ice in the parking lot
  35. Get a letter published in Skiing magazine
  36. Master the one-finger farmer’s blow.
  37. Ski with Billy Kidd in Steamboat and with Stein Eriksen in Deer Valley
  38. Ski on a volcano

Cotopaxi, Ecuador
Orizaba, Mexico
Mount Ruapehu, New Zealand
Mount Mauna Kea, Hawaii
Mount Shasta, California
Mount Bachelor, Oregon

  1. Take a road trip
  2. Do the Utah Interconnect – On this granddaddy of accessible guided off-piste adventure, you ride slopes and lifts at Park City, Alta, Snowbird, Brighnton, and Solitude and ski the untracked backcountry in between. In a single day
  3. Get snowed in at a ski resort
  4. Ski a full day, from first chair to closing bell…all on high speed lifts
  5. Use a rope tow to reaffirm your appreciation for padded chair-lifts
  6. Every year, catch a flake from the first storm of the season on your tounge
  7. Ski until you are over 70 so you can ski free
  8. Ride around the bullwheel, on purpose or not
  9. Go to the Winter Olympics
  10. Get risque in a gondola, preferably with someone
  11. Do a grab
  12. Ski at night
  13. Click into your skis, set at max DIN, and ride on the roof of a moving car
  14. Go to a Warren Miller movie
  15. Steal some of those little plastic trays from the resort cafeteria and slide down the mountain after the lifts close – An aside from personal experience; this is illegal, and the ski partol yells really loud if you do it.
  16. Donate clothing, equipment, money, or your time to a ski program for disadvanated youth
  17. Write to NBC and insist they devote more airtime during the Olympics to snowboarding, preferably at the expense of figure skating
  18. Take a hut trip
  19. Win one of those stupid little NASTAR pins
  20. Pack 10 people into a one-bedroom condo
  21. Sleep in your car in a ski-area parking lot
  22. Scam a lift ticket
  23. Memorize Squirrel’s lines from Hot Dog…The Movie
  24. Ski a long bump run without stopping – and nail it
  25. Ski alone all day, telling outrageous lies about yourself to the people you meet on the chair
  26. Ski all day with a group of ripping locals. Tell them what you really do
  27. Own a classic wool ski sweater
  28. Rely on duct tape to keep something essentail together
  29. Be a ski bum
  30. Hike and ski a fourteener
  31. Ski across a border

Switzerland to france in the Portes du Solei,
Massachusetts to New York at Catamount,
Nevada to California at Heavenly,
bonus points for India to Pakistan

  1. Make as few turns as possible in a single run
  2. Make as many turns as possilbe in a singe run
  3. Jump a cornice
  4. Ski perfect California corn snow in the spring
  5. Wear a helmet
  6. Pond skim during a spring fest; make it only half way across
  7. Ride down the mountain in a ski-patrol sled
  8. Later, tell war stories about your injury in the bar
  9. Cartwheel in deep powder. Get up laughing hysterically
  10. Ski in a halfpipe, without looking stupid
  11. Go heli-skiing
  12. On a sunny June day, hike and ski Tuckerman Ravine on New Hampshire’s Mount Washington. Have lunch on Lunch Rocks like thousands of skiers have done since the early 1900’s.
  13. Skin in summer in the Southern Hemisphere
  14. Keep a gummi stone in your pocket
  15. Try telemarking
  16. Ski something that scares the holy bejesus out of you
  17. Wear sunscreen
  18. Fart in a crowded gondola and blame it on your friend
  19. Bobsled at Lake Placid; ski jump at Park City
  20. Ski the Sierra High Route from Mount Whitney to Sequoia park
  21. Drag a snowboarder on the flats while skiing
  22. Go on a winter camping ski trip
  23. Know how to make killer chili
  24. Do the Haute Route in the Alps
  25. Do a slalom shot at NYC’s Ski Bar
  26. Ski a vintage trail: a narrow, windy, Eastern run cut in the ’30;s
  27. Learn how to avoid dying in an avalanche by taking a backcountry safety course
  28. Ski in denim…and rip
  29. Help a stranger find a lost ski in deep powder
  30. Take a really good lesson
  31. Ski south of the Mason-Dixie line
  32. Ski north of the Arctic Circle
  33. Find a copy of Ski Party. Buy it. Read it. Live it.
  34. Remain standing while watching eight hours of the 24 Hours of Aspen downhill race
  35. Transport your skis via public transportation – subway, bus, train (bonus points fro doing it during rush hour)
  36. Take the “MAD RIVER GLEN: SKI IT IF YOU CAN” sticker off the car of someone you know has never dkied there
  37. Buy a patch from the ski area you grew up skiing. Sew it on your jacket. Be proud
  38. Be grateful, everyday, for snow, mountains, gravity, and skiing

This was an article in Skiing Magazine from February 2000